Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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