It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
