You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
