Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
