Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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