how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
