YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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