why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
