I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
