My brain says no but my pants say off.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
