so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
