There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
