I think my fart just growled at me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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