I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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