to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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