i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
