Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
