so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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