Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
