I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
