It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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