Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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