if you like me you must not know who I am
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
