He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
