when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize