this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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