He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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