im about as happy as oj after his trial
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize