he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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