i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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