Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Randomize
