ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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