I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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