Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
