WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They have beer where we have blood.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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