Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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