dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
