And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
