i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
