Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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