week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Randomize
