i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
