I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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