he wants to bone in the snuggie
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
