i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
