your thong is hanging out like whoa
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
