I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize