I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
