Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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