ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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