How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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