I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
