Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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