is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
