last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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