You don't have asthma, your pregnant
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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