your parents love me but you hate me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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