i don't like sucking hair
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
