Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
