Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
