He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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