at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
