I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
