Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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