your room smells of hookers.
And success
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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