i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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